picture this

i went for a swim at my local leisure centre this morning. this was my first outing to ilford swimming pools and it may just be my last. the changing rooms were dingy and when i walked out onto the pool deck, bare footed, i was seized with the sense that i was about to contract a horrible case of trench or athletes foot. pushing though, i quickly jumped into the water and started doing some lengths.

when i rolled over for a little back stoke action, i notice the rusting, peeling, loosely hanging ceiling tiles above me. again i am seized with a horrible sense that a tile is going to fall on my head, killing me instantly. once again i push through the unease i was feeling and decide a breast stroke that keeps the tiles 'out of sight, out of mind' was better suited for the occasion.

3 life guards were on duty and for the 20 minutes i had been in the pool, all 3 had their backs to the water for every minute. each were between 16-19, 2 giggly girls and 1 dopey boy. the thrilling conversion that kept their attention from their responsibility was all about how drunk they were going to get that night. the boy, who had just finished eating a banana, proceeded to throw the banana peel on the pool deck and pretended to slip over it in a comical fashion. unfortunately for him, he left the peel on the floor to resume the banter and then indeed slipped on the banana peel. ass over tits, splayed out on the pool deck. i hope he gets athletes foot on his face.

this was strike 3 for ilford pools. i promptly left.